i learned to understand Cezanne much better and to see truly how he made landscapes when i was hungry

i ate a bagel instead of going out that night. i didn't want to be wasteful and i had already bought a ticket for the show. any monetary sacrifice would have been well-spent in order to see the dancers that night. it was better to watch when i was hungry anyway.

"all the paintings were shapened and clearer and more beautiful if you were belly-empty, hollow-hungry" -- Hemingway

i hadn't realized how hungry i was inside - hungry for beauty, hungry for perspective. even in my average student-dom, i find myself detached from things that i used to love only to discover it on an empty stomach. it's funny, but i seem to discover my ipod every other week and realize a forgotten life i once had. i mean, i used to love that song and now i don't even know where it is. when i am not constantly around certain beauties - such as dance, music, trees - my appreciation for the sight and sound of them is exponentially greater. watching the dancers was no exception. i had fasted for so long to experience the catharsis that i only get when i watch someone dance. it is second only to being the dancer.

i insisted that my friend give me the one balcony ticket - i love to watch the dancers from up there - and i often like to go to concerts alone. i sat on the edge of the row and spent the night shifting my view around the big person in front of me - my eyes bright and hungry. i think i cried three times. the adagio to Samuel Barber's piece... you had to be there. and the dancers' company had a pas de deux to Neil Diamond. seriously. i was moved because i realized i wanted love.

the girl next to me probably thought i was over-the-top. i smiled at the cute and comedic, nodded my head with approval at a clean succession of turns, whispered "wow" when i thought something was really great, and scribbled notes onto my program in the dark.

i noticed the themes that each company brings to the stage - which as far as i can tell, stay constant with each year. the dancers' company brings soul, weight and farce. the ballet company brings showy solos and sadness. the cougarettes bring intensity and synchronized spirituality. the folk dancers, a show-stopper and sincerety.

an hour later in my law school carrell, i closed my eyes to think. the dancers were there, behind my eyelids. i had brought them with me and they were dancing.