post 101: i have him

it was just a matter of time. i just got off the phone and knew i had to post this draft i had written almost a week ago. i have been away from the blog land - i didn't write one blog in the month of september. you see, i have been preoccupied with things -

okay,

love.

i think i have been avoiding "the common" because i was initially afraid that the things i was thinking about were too personal to write on the page. however, i knew one day i wouldn't be able to keep love from penetrating my world, even my most personal and individualistic world (i do have a strong sense of privacy, for those of you who know me well). but love has rocked my world! since love, i have felt my need for certain things subside and take on new forms. my blog (thus this explanatory post), melancholy music - they were all venues for my singleness. but this summer i fell in love in the warmest city in the country and my need to have places of expression that fed my singleness began to melt away.

i started to realize that some of my singleness-cravings just stopped surfacing. this person that i had took away those needs - or, rather he fulfilled them. he replaced them. i didn't need to listen to melancholy music to feel emotion - i had him. i didn't need to express my thoughts to myself on a vacant screen - i had him. and now the season is turning to winter

and i still have him.

forgive the personal theme, but i have always tried to be honest in each post and i have to be myself when writing on this blog from now on anyway. and this new love is a part of me now.

so, readers, this writer is

different,
new,
better

happy -

because i have him. and coming from an independent person who enjoyed seeing the world from her own space, this new discovery of another person is profound. truly, love changes people for the better. and yes, Ammon, you can take credit for this because you knew all along what i needed.