more irony

This blog is like my journal in that it carries that common uncomfortable characteristic of a second conscience making me feel guilty that I'm neglecting it and then allowing me to open it up again just to realize all that I intended to write and didn't, which then causes me to try convince myself I can avoid my accountability by opening my gmail, yahoo, facebook and busy myself with that...only to see, ironically, that everything else has been equally neglected. So here is your penitent blogger facing the screen to try to make recompense.

Do you mind if I get deeper? I just couldn't resist sharing this great idea that was mentioned in my C.S. Lewis class the other day. We were talking about faith/works and grace (which, timely enough, we were discussing in Sunday School last week too, so it had been on my mind - i.e. "Just how does one find that balance? 50/50? Or perhaps 100/100 - me and God") and my teacher offered this explanation. We are obedient because 1) We trust God enough/have faith in God enough to do exactly what He says (that was from Lewis), and 2) We are constantly reminded that even when we do all we can, we are not enough and must rely on grace. I am constantly amazed at the doctrine of grace. I just came to the conclusion the other day, for example, that I constantly tell myself I've got to get to a certain point in my life before I can expect the Lord to bless me. "I've got to be a perfect studier before I can ask God for help with school," "I've got to be a perfect prioritizer before I can ask God help with my calling," "I've got to be investing more hours into writing so-and-so and calling so-and-so before I can ask Him to help me be a better friend."

I realized I had had it all backwards. And not even just that, but I would never reach the point "worthy" enough for Him to help me because of what I did - as if His whole purpose is just to reward us for doing things on His syllabus. However, He doesn't require that -and He probably smiles and sighs at my feeble mortal pride in thinking that it is ever my earnings anyway. All He asks is that I ask Him. Period. Not only will I never become "perfect" at all His requirements, but He made it that way so that I would turn to Him and ask Him first, "Please fill in my lack," and then He ironically rewards me the blessings reserved for the obedient to me just for letting Him intervene.