an "F" for finished...for now

graduation, commencement, pomp and circumstance.

overrated? maybe. my feelings are so mixed. i went to an honors banquet and felt like a total poser, even though my mom kept assuring me that she was so proud. the kid that got up to speak started out by saying that when he got to BYU, he was worried that his teachers wouldn't give him enough homework. my exact thoughts: you have GOT to be kidding me! man, thank GOODNESS the honors program gives enough homework. what WOULD we have done?

and then, when the professor of the year, who i love by the way (especially because he put a plug in for j-dawgs and that changed my life), said, "you will use you MIND" very deliberately and pointed to his head....just like jack black in school of rock....and my mom and i almost lost it...because we were totally thinking about that moment, i thought this experience couldn't get any crazier. but, then we got focused and enjoyed a very nice luncheon. my old mish companion,eve, played the piano and that was a highlight. (chopin nocturne. ah!)

then i'm sitting at commencement a couple of hours later. the irony is that i'm studying calculus. i had my last final to take. so, as they are congratulating everyone on being "done," i'm cramming differential equations. watching all of the professors walk in reminded me of when i was about nine and we went to my dad's ph.D graduation. it also reminded me of "goodbye mr. chips." i love that movie. i used to be star-struck by this sight. these robed celebrities were my idols. i loved the officialness of it all and the pomp definitely was appealing.

was it strange, then, that this time it just looked like a bunch of people dressed up like harry potter characters? it is like my whole perspective of this ordeal had totally changed. i should have more respect for the institution of education and academia. but, i realized that I was sitting there in a robe and i'm just a plain-jane-nobody-special. we are all people and all have insecurities and probably like to watch "the office." it was like i had to grow out of the way i used to think about academia. what are these honors anyway? the worth of the experience depends on so many things. and "who you are" is ultimately not determined by these things.

well, anyway, coming to an end of a chapter is interesting because it makes you consider where you stand and where you stood. after many mixed feeling, the feeling that i got as i sat in the marriott center today on a bench behind the big backdrop was gratitude. i am sooooo grateful. for byu, for my parents, and for faithful tithe payers who made my experience possible.

and this gratitude is why i'm going back.

and going forth.

God is good

I know it. For some reason, He just keeps sending goodness to me. Constantly. I don't know why, He just blesses me.

I am so grateful.

And a shout out to my good earthly parents too. They are so amazing. And my roommates too. They are so cool. And my missionary district. And my visiting teacher/ees. And my friends in Jamestown 27 and the waffles they made.

I'm also grateful for rides, green arrows,
the Olympics and national flags, wireless internet,
Shauna Barrick,
CNN on occasion, chocolate cake,
Sundays, Provo temple,
hands,
Asians,
being asked to dance by my little brother,
Wendy's run with Kira last night, Debussy,
Emma and her hilariousness,
the bench outside, Relief Society,
an open door,
everything Rachel Kessler,
and the CD that The Mollies sent especially for me with Mindy tonight.

oh

and i have a post i really want to write about the fourth of july, but that will have to wait for now. it is pretty amusing. at least i think so. perceptions about America are just so interesting - and i'd love to hear yours soon. but, do, do enjoy the poetry below. it's nice.

miles to go before i sleep

It is certainly not snowing right now in Utah and I am actually not very near the woods, but the last stanza of this poem kept coming to my mind today. I've concluded that I, in fact, really like Robert Frost. I just do.

My dad used to always say the last two lines of this poem to me when I was working on a big project for school. Today is no exception - big projects, especially papers, are my intellectual bane. I'd much rather write mindless posts and eat sorbet, but whatever. My grandpa reminded me of the third to last line this morning over a bowl of cereal, (I attempted hermitage today by going to my grandparent's to work on my project, but I guess hermitage is supposed to be in solitude. I'd much rather have company though.), and I thought it fitting to my current position in life. I think it is simply a lovely poem and it has the musicality of a snowy evening, a quiet wood, and heavy thoughts.

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost

the next wave in design

what do you think of when you see this picture? try and visualize this furniture in any other place besides where you are picturing it now. how many places could you picture this piece of furniture looking 'at home,' appropriate, and comfortable?

i tried this exercise as i gazed at one of these chairs sitting in my friend's college apartment. i thought, 'now that's interesting. maybe i could go for that look in the apartment, ya know, sorta different and vintage.' but, really, can you picture this looking classy anywhere but, well, wherever you're visualizing (grass, backyard, fireworks, parade)? a nice hotel lobby, behind an oak conference room desk, in a snazzy little restaurant? i mean, really, no matter how cool you are, i truly wonder if you could pull that off - you know, the way some people make the ugliest clothes look cool. i'm actually really drawn to the practicality of this furniture - but the design is just not made to appease aesthetics... or is it, readers? i'm really hoping to be proved wrong. i think these chairs are fabulous.

i'll tell my grandkids that...

my great-grandma was the first woman to drive a car in heber city. i saw a woman run for president for the first time. i used to listen to cassette tapes and remember the first CDs i ever owned (all 4 one, celine dion. hahaha) i remember when we got a DVD player to replace our VHS and using the old macs in elementary school to play computer games when laptops were unheard of. i remember (in COLLEGE) using a whiteboard to write down missed phone calls to roommates for people who had called on our landline. i can say that i saw the day when gas prices reached $4/gallon and i tracked the price of a barrel of oil as it climbed a dollar more each day - and that $4 used to be a lot. they probably won't believe me.

uncultured philistine

we went to see iron man this week with my brothers and sister-in-law (pretty good show, i'd say. funny). the theatre is usually a pretty loud place, but before the showing i stepped into the girl's room and to my delight there was one of my absolute favorite pieces of music playing: Mozart's piano concerto no. 23 in A. as i thought how incredibly lovely the music was, two girls walked in and one scoffed to the other, "elevator music? ugh." hmmm. i thought. now that's what i call ironic.

but, i cannot justify pointing any fingers at people's lack of culture. for you see, only earlier that day at the Phoenix art museum, i had slighted a painting that i thought dull and uninteresting and even said to myself, "well, i haven't got all day and i want to make sure i spend time on things i really like," only to see my brother take a cell phone picture of that very painting and say, "cool! a picasso!"