roses and orchids

Mark Eliason and I are engaged to be married on May 1st, 2010

I couldn't be happier -

The proposal was perfect -

And my fiance is the perfect match for me

they must be above the rules

those people, i mean.

they blatantly disregarded the sign on the grass in front of the wilk that says:

"i'm trying hard to grow, please don't walk on me!"

they are standing right there, on that very grass! quite audacious i'd say. 'specially towards such an entreaty.

i guess it isn't a very obvious sign because it IS this wimpy, smallish blue sign, placed amongst the trees on the huge expanse of field... but the plea is so sincere, i just can't help but feel for the grass...

yet, there they stand - the would-be kings of yesteryears, yes, even the Utah Valley sparring club members who dress in medieval garb and spar (fight?) with wooden swords once a week in front of the wilk. i suppose they figure the grass (and the BYU grounds crew, for that matter) can give way for their sport. besides, their overlook is understandable. the signs weren't even translated into Olde English.

but, mostly it was just funny to me. the moment i walk by this sign, i look past it only to see these guys standing on the grass in an attitude that seems to say, "we are above the law!" it was just ironic. kind of like the time i saw a tube of toothpaste next to the sink, crumpled and disformed and center-squeezed, and the directions were face up, reading "for best results, squeeze from the bottom up." take that, "Man"! ha! i noticed that they don't put those directions on the toothpaste anymore. it can only mean one of a million things, but i will give you two. for one, they probably realized that the toothpaste produces the same result if you squeeze the tube from the bottom, middle, or top. for two, they couldn't fit the translation of the directions in Olde English on those small tubes.

post 101: i have him

it was just a matter of time. i just got off the phone and knew i had to post this draft i had written almost a week ago. i have been away from the blog land - i didn't write one blog in the month of september. you see, i have been preoccupied with things -

okay,

love.

i think i have been avoiding "the common" because i was initially afraid that the things i was thinking about were too personal to write on the page. however, i knew one day i wouldn't be able to keep love from penetrating my world, even my most personal and individualistic world (i do have a strong sense of privacy, for those of you who know me well). but love has rocked my world! since love, i have felt my need for certain things subside and take on new forms. my blog (thus this explanatory post), melancholy music - they were all venues for my singleness. but this summer i fell in love in the warmest city in the country and my need to have places of expression that fed my singleness began to melt away.

i started to realize that some of my singleness-cravings just stopped surfacing. this person that i had took away those needs - or, rather he fulfilled them. he replaced them. i didn't need to listen to melancholy music to feel emotion - i had him. i didn't need to express my thoughts to myself on a vacant screen - i had him. and now the season is turning to winter

and i still have him.

forgive the personal theme, but i have always tried to be honest in each post and i have to be myself when writing on this blog from now on anyway. and this new love is a part of me now.

so, readers, this writer is

different,
new,
better

happy -

because i have him. and coming from an independent person who enjoyed seeing the world from her own space, this new discovery of another person is profound. truly, love changes people for the better. and yes, Ammon, you can take credit for this because you knew all along what i needed.

couched between a privilege and a pet peeve

to break the ice since i've been gone for so long, i thought i'd talk about something somewhat taboo, somewhat uncomfortable, but nonetheless a reality and a pet peeve. those are always fun, right? hooray!

so, ladies, you know how there are couches in the girl's bathroom in the library and elsewhere on campus? and, guys, you no doubt harbor bitterness about this luxury that we women enjoy. (btw, sexist comment: i feel it is absolutely okay to discriminate against men in this way because men do not have babies - bear them, care for them (primarily) - nor do they experience all other girl things. and boys, you have so many other privileges about bathroom usage - like being able to go in bushes if you want - that i feel you have your needs met.) so couches are good and appropriate in the girl's room. but, let's talk about some misuse.

when you need to run into the ladies' room for a minute, and there is someone just "hangin' out" on the couches in the bathroom, it makes it a little awkward to go. i mean, they can HEAR you. i sometimes want to address the awkwardness with, "hey, don't mind me, i'm just gonna go into one of these stalls here and just take care of a little business. you don't mind do you? i mean, i'm not interrupting anything here, am i?" i mean, really. it is awkward. when you need to crash and take a little napster on campus and you don't want to look uncomely, sprawled on some uncomfortable bench on campus, i may think - sure, sleep in here. you're not aware of me anyway. but, just reading a book, playing on your laptop in the little lounge room. hm. okay, is that weird to anyone else? what would be the reason you are doing this? is there someone out there you are trying to avoid? do you not mind the sound of flushing toilets while you're on your cell phone with your friends?

well, whatever the reason, let us minimize the misuse of the couches given us, ladies. i know they're comfortable, but i don't know if it is worth the discomfort you cause everyone else. and i'd appreciate some sympathy. (and boys if you feel a need to vent, i completely understand and your comments are welcome.)

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

in Arizona, there seems to be a general habit for Arizonians to brag about Arizona sunsets. "we have the best sunsets," they say. "better than anywhere, hands down." this is an indisputable fact to my Arizonian friends - and there's no way that they were going to hear some Utah girl who has seen very little of the world contest this fact. but, when i got back to Salt Lake and i was driving downtown along Wasatch Road on the east bench, and the city, mountains, and setting sun were before me, i had to disagree that the best sunsets are in Arizona. the sunsets in Salt Lake are incredible. how come i didn't know that with such surety before? how come i could not give concrete testimony of the beauty of Utah sunsets? why is this not a Utah claim, like green jello, ice cream, and Jericho Road are? i determined that it isn't because Utah has sub-par sunsets that no one claims "best sunsets in the world." i think it's because we aren't looking up as often as our friends down south. i think that any "best of" claims are made because people pay attention. Arizonians love their sun, and they love their sunsets. but, at any rate, i think this extends to the idea that those who are looking for the good will find it. what are we Utahns looking for in our great environment? why are our heads not turned upwards so that we can claim with confidence that we have the best sunsets?

i think there are many "best____ in the world" claims to be made. but it requires paying attention. it makes me wonder where my attention priorities are - what am i seeking and what am i finding, and where are my eyes looking? for, as i found, you can't make the claim that, "no, MY state has the best sunsets" if you never even bothered to look up.

i'll return to you somehow

In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing and the sky is clear and red.
When the summer’s ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure’s lost its meaning,
I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me you're missing, if you’re hoping I’ll return.
To your thoughts I’ll soon be list’ning, and in the road I’ll stop and turn.
Then the wind will set me racing as my journey nears its end.
And the path I’ll be retracing when I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
I’ll be homeward bound again.

-Music and Lyrics by Marta Keen

peace

i was walking across 3rd avenue, where city buses are constantly passing by in the 100+ degree heat. in an unusual way, a lady from the seventh floor of the building to my left started yelling something to the guy on the other side of the crosswalk from me.

"hey! i'll be on the second floor!" she informed him. he looked up, but he put his hand to his ear and yelled, "what?"

the people who were stopped at the light and i were interested and concerned, so we tried to help. she yelled her announcement again, and the people in the car rolled down their windows to hear what she said. "second floor!" she yelled; "second floor?" he said, holding up two fingers; "second floor," said the people in the car and i, simultaneously with him and i held up two fingers. with his hand still raised, he turned towards our voices and saw me, crossing the crosswalk and holding up two fingers - and for a split second, two strangers were creating a serendipitous exchange of symbols. we were giving each other the "peace" sign.

we smiled, i passed, and was immediately confronted by a "sign up here to legalize medical marijuana" lobbyist. people, just because i am flashing "peace" signs at people doesn't mean that i embrace all that the hippie movement has to offer. i have to draw that line somewhere. but, man, for that moment in the middle of Phoenix on the 3rd avenue crosswalk, there was peace, bro. there was peace.

the common quotes of late

"there's nothing like cutting a pineapple on the top of a mountain...in the dark... when you don't know how to cut a pineapple" (said Mark Eliason with lots of enthusiasm as he unpacked a whole pineapple on the top of a mountain and prepared to cut it.)

"check out Anderson's tweets from Africa on his blog" (said CNN on the bottom of the screen. first of all, i love the evolution of language - tweets and blogs. well, evolution of technology. and i also love this quote because i love Anderson Cooper - he is my news-crush.)

"gosh, she is so lovely - sigh" (said my thoughts after seeing wedding pictures on facebook of a girl i know. facebook can help your self-esteem when someone posts on your wall but can also remind you how much you try not to envy those people who always look like models.)

"you are beautiful, but i still can't afford you" (said Joseph, a Special Needs ward member, who means he can't afford marriage. i promise. we had to double-check what he meant by that. but thanks for the compliment Joe.)

"and he sweats like a Weed too" (said Trevor Weed, my cousin, about his little baby who carries the family curse of sweating like the dickens. and in Phoenix - oh boy. buckle up. but little Ben is so cute and "very advanced," which is the new phrase one uses to compliment new parents on the achievements of their babies.)

"Sotomayor is a racist...a reverse racist" (said parrots of conservative talk radio)

"Gah!" (said Emma, my niece, with a lot of vigor. i totally agree.)

"i think they're both lying" (said the court clerk of our awfully boring case today as she leaned back in her chair to file her nail while pictures of kittens flickered on her screensaver and i determined never to practice personal injury law and turned to my blog to record this moment. well at least i know what i don't want to do now, i thought dryly. that narrows it down.)

i am beginning to think

that logical or not, love must have a measure of faith in it. the more the better.

and today i realized again that a grand piano just sounds so nice. don't you think it is superior to all other pianos? there's just nothing like it.

and today i learned how delightful it can be when you arrive home and there is a little dog, wagging its tail at you when you walk in the door. it just feels good. i have to admit, i have had a hard time relating to dog people in recent years, but i am breaking through little by little. i like this whole feeling wanted and appreciated just for showin' up. and dogs, i realized, always want to play. and they will always play - on your schedule and at your will. this is not always the case with humans. and so, to this i say: "good dog, charlie." what a good friend.

answer me this

how much logic is in love?

"i'm five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor."

i didn't know The Great Gatsby had a plot. at least the plot was NOT the emphasis in my English class almost ten years ago. my teacher had me so focused on the tone of the words, on the metaphors, and the elusive nature of the characters that i plumb forgot there was supposed to be a storyline.

"there is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind."

this time 'round, i was positively engrossed in the story and madly in love with the language. perhaps it was the training my teacher gave me, or maybe it was because i'm now ten years older that these things had significance this time around.

(as some of you know from a previous post, cath committed me to read The Great Gatsby again. which reminds me, cath, i have your copy at my house in Salt Lake.)

really, everyone should read this book again if they read it as a teenager. i knew nothing concerning the dimensions of life and love when i first read it. i hardly know anything now. but, i can say that i recognize a far greater and far more complicated world than i did when i was in high school.

"tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther . . . And one fine morning ----"

i didn't understand daisy my first time through. by now, i've met people like daisy - charming, mysterious, unsure, and yet they still thrive. and how could she say that she loved gatsby AND loved tom? why wasn't it as simple as gatsby getting daisy and happily ever after? how can someone love two people at once - and still not be sure who she truly loves? this was my simple teenage perspective. now i can see that the human heart doesn't always know what it wants and what it feels and what it felt in the past. it doesn't always work in absolutes. it rarely, if ever, works in absolutes.

"so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

i need to find another book that keeps me so engaged. i keep trying to get into the list of classics knowing that it will mold me into a better reader and prepare me for things that i really want to read. i brought Plato's Republic and Austen's Emma with me to AZ. sigh. i'm afraid I will be bored by these selections - although, that could be my teenage mind talking again. i brought them as my healthy vegetable reading selections to balance out any candy media i may consume. i'd much rather read sensational things these days - like the things that modernists and post-modernists write about. i started Emma, though, and it seems like it is gonna be a good read. it's embarrassing that a girl my age hasn't even read such an Austen classic, so that should be incentive enough to pick it up.

if anyone has suggestions of sensational reading even, and maybe especially, if it's your own writing, send it my way.

Gwendolen: "I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train." The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

June

"feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." -2 Ne. 32:3

i may be superficial

so, AZ is great. i am staying with my sister-in-law's parents and it is just fabulous. "so you think you can dance" has begun and this has become one of the most prominent conversation points amongst my friend network. it's that time of year again!

i'm an intern at the County Superior Court, and i've been working in criminal court the past week. what a world. the company you're with all day consists of court personnel, attorneys, judicial officers and criminals. let's just say, conversations are rather interesting.

there are only two things so far that keep my heart partial to Utah: 1) the zumba class at the Gold's gym here was... well, in the words of my brother, "zumba? was it more like dumb-a?" that may be harsh, but it was just, well. my provo instructor has set such a high standard. 2) the NPR broadcasting station (KJZZ) here plays smooth new-age jazz in between segments. ugh. i love jazz; i do not love new-age smooth jazz. and, there is a difference. my heart still belongs to KUER. even though one of the local Salt Lake talk shows can't get past an obsession with shows about Mormons and homosexuals, the station at least has cool music in between segments.

and since i'm still on the topic of media, i encountered the most, well, what word? the most disconcerting/laughable/absurd show today. i was watching CNN and flipped down the channel during commercial. and what did i see? a show called, no joke, paris hilton's new BFF. i know i'm probably a little late on realizing there was such a reality show (i don't watch MTV), but i guess that there are contestants on the show actually TRYING to BE paris hilton's new BFF. and paris hilton is actually hosting a show to GET a BFF. i. have. no. words. no words for this ridiculous superficiality. seriously, i was laughing out loud (or like, i was totally "lol-ing!"). hopefully no one has REALLY watched this show. but, honestly, it was like watching an SNL spoof on reality shows that includes so much hyperbole that it can't possibly be real and yet - this show was trying to be serious! wow. wow. i cannot even begin to describe.

okay, i sound like major nerd and major complainer - so i will just say that i love it down here. i'm babysitting my niece tonight - she is soooooo dang cute - and when you have a pool just outside the back door on a hot Phoenix day, not even paris hilton's BFF could complain.

i remembered you today

Soldiers, I remembered you today.

When we went to visit my grandparents' graves, I looked at all of the American flags that were stuck into the ground at various graves. My Grandpa Weed served his country as an army captain in WWII and Korea. He also was a man of God. As we stood at his grave, my dad told a story about my Grandpa Weed.

In one experience in Korea, my grandpa was in charge of getting a troop of soldiers up to a certain ridge. No one knew exactly where that ridge was. All they had was an old, old Korean map with some contour lines. My grandpa must have felt worried. He was lost in a foreign land, knowing that his ability to execute orders would determine the fate of his fellow soldiers. So, my grandpa prayed. After he prayed, he looked up. The sun came out from behind the clouds and lit up a ridge in the distance. He said he knew that that ridge was the where he was supposed to get his men.

I can only imagine how he felt as he looked across the Korean landscape to that ridge. He didn't know anything about the Korean language or the land. But, he knew there was a God in the heavens.

What does that say about God? In the workings of man and hurt and human war, it's easy to assume that God could simply throw up His hands and sigh. But...He doesn't. God follows a simple pattern. He commands His children to pray, and when they do, He answers. God did not create that war, but His power is greater than war and hate. His light can penetrate through the darkest war and the darkest day. It can even move past enemy lines to answer one of His children.

Thank you to our Armed Forces.

intern 2009

you guys. i can totally see the Salt Lake Temple from my office. like, almost at this same angle. can i just say, wow.

streaming

who steals the flags from the crosswalks? i mean, really.

dallin's getting married. he's my younger brother. couldn't be happier. love you becki.

"the medieval club must still be having activities," i thought when i saw some people dressed up and gathered on the lawn by a campus building. they were two graduates getting their pictures taken in their robes and hoods and hats and all. oops.

i rear-ended someone yesterday. 25 years old - and had no idea what to do. luckily mom did.

i love hanging out with my parents.

have you ever seen "goldilocks and the three bears" told in Chinese? it is awesome.

i longboarded at 1 am the other day. true love.

and i started a scooter club - the ruckuses. there are seven members - 3 scooters. we go in rotations.

confession 1: can't wait for "so you think you can dance." fav show. may 21. tune in. you know you're excited too.

confession 2: i know all the words to the taylor swift song "love story."

i have so much stuff to recycle. this will take me at least two trips to carry to my car.

from a tweed couch, on a mountain

some things you never grow out of. candy, for one. and sugar cereal. my dad, in his early 50's, will still eat sugar cereal with me, in my mid-20's, in the morning.

but, something that struck me today as meaningful and, well, nice was the decision i made to visit my grandparents. i'm on a little retreat. my contracts final is now less than 48 hours away and i am taking refuge in the far-off land of Orem where i can study without my phone and without visits and without temptations, (well, at least the usual ones) and i don't get kicked out of the library.

i'm studying where i imagine my dad used to study, since he lived here and went to BYU as an undergrad, catching a ride with grandpa to provo since grandpa taught music at provo high for years and years. my dad is diligent like that - and consistent. but what has amazed me today and something that i realized i have not outgrown is the wonder that i feel at my grandparent's house. the size has maybe changed a litte. the rooms aren't as big as they seemed when i was younger and the hiding places have all but vanished as viable crawling spots, but the intrigue of the house's personality is still here.

i catch myself getting distracted by the house's accessories, like the lamp that hangs elegantly down on the right hand of the piano, like an illuminated pearl drop earring. later, i move down to the study once the sun has left the wide stretch of windows that kept me warm, and in here - books and books. from "the new oxford history of music: ars nova and the renaissance" to "minute masterpieces" to the "age of elegance" and books on every genre of history. and there are records, vinyl records! and a rack of cassette tapes with labels like "the music man" and "the little engine that could" and "it's a wonderful life, lux radio theatre." some of my grandpa's plaques are on the wall from his years at provo high and some from being the director of a barbershop chorus. one of my dad's watercolors is framed against the brown paneled wall.

i'm sitting on a couch that looks like a tweed jacket. it's pretty sweet. files of family history, music compositions by grandpa, disks of stories, an old chess set, 3-D slides on various desks around me. the wireless router is on top of a stereo from at least 25 years ago. that's an interesting blend of technological history.

a book of picasso's drawings and michaelangelo's too - bottom shelf. books on reading and literacy up higher. which reminds me, grandma was an english teacher. she has all her beloved novels on these shelves. "to kill a mockingbird," "cry, the beloved country," "jane eyre," and collections of thomas hardy, willa cather, and i think everything written by ray bradbury.

over there, a book on poland. gilbert and sullivan recordings.

i imagine my great-grandmother's house was similar to this - at least that which i can remember. nana's house. somewhere in old-money Salt Lake. she had exotic things in her house - from interesting places. fine things and strange things. she used to be a great singer, my grandpa said - she even sang as a soloist in the Messiah at our very own Salt Lake Tabernacle. she and my robust and fiery great-grandpa somehow skimmed past the devastation of the depression and lived a good life with their twin girls (both poets and musicians) and my grandpa, the only boy. i wonder what things/tastes/personality traits i will carry with me from this heritage. probably my love for information, literature, the world, history, music, and fine things. but also, things unexpected.

as i walked with grandpa outside to see his pansies and cherry trees (leftover from Orem's orchard days), i mentioned how beautiful mt. timp looked. "would you look at that..." he said as he gazed up at it. it was gleaming. he told me that one time, he had flown into Salt Lake and saw timp from the air. "that's my mountain!" he told his neighbors on the plane, who wondered why he was so excited. "it is quite magnificent, isn't it," he mentioned as we walked back to the house. now, i know my grandpa and i are different, to be sure. but, today i realized that i shared something very great with him. we both have the same mountain.

post 81

i could smell the blossoms from the trees as i rode by today.

for the sake of the first time

Dear Readers,
I am one who is wary of sad, unrequited-love poetry. So, forgive me. But, I have to be honest with you all - I experienced something for the first time within the last little while that I couldn't help writing about: a broken heart. It's true. And people - it does hurt! I was taking everyone's word for it. And about the poetry, let's face it - I am in good company. The best and worst of poetry/prose is on this very topic and I am merely offering my meager contribution.

Sabishikatta kedo

i think i am almost over you.
colors that made me think of you
are setting in with the concrete.

i talked you out of us once.
twice.
the second time was to convince myself.
but you
you
you never protested.

some tried to comfort my loneliness,
saying they hoped someone would fill the void.
but loneliness didn't want 'someone,' it said.
it was lonely for you.
it even wanted to keep hurting
because it meant part of you was still around.

but, i think i am almost over you now.

"lonely for you" is sinking into "vague lonely" -
no longer attached to anyone in particular -
and it seeps in like concrete filling an anthill,
hardening inside each chamber,
till the researchers wash the sand away to see the tunnels inside.

march 16: happy freedom of information day

so, i noticed that march has a series of under-appreciated holidays right in a row like the following:
march 13 "friday the thirteenth,"
march 14 "pi day,"
march 15 "ides of march,"
and march 17 "st. Patrick's day."

but what of the 16th, you ask? i asked the same question. fortunately, my good friend natalie was able to find something we could celebrate today:

Freedom of Information Day

Freedom of Information (FOI) Day is an annual event on or near March 16, the birthday of James Madison, who is widely regarded as the Father of the Constitution and as the foremost advocate for openness in government.
Madison Awards

Each year, the James Madison Award and the Eileen Cooke State & Local Madison Award are presented by the American Library Association on Freedom of Information Day to recognize those individuals or groups that have championed, protected, and promoted public access to government information and the public’s right to know.

so, happy freedom of information day. remember not to take for granted your freedom to share information.

and let's face it, holiday movies are always fun. White Christmas, Groundhog Day, etc. so, for suggested movies to watch on these holidays, i've thought of the following:
friday the 13th - "freaky friday" (the old one with jodie foster)
pi day - "dying for pie," the best spongebob episode (i think my fam has this on dvd)
ides of march - "julius caesar" (with marlon brando)
st. Patrick's day - "darby o'gill and the little people" (or you could watch "behind the waterfall," if 'feature films for families' is your kind of thing)

i still need one for freedom of information day. any suggestions?

also, can i just celebrate something very exciting for me today? i donated blood for the first time today and considering the fact that i was feeling all queasy just watching "the office" episode where they donate blood and that m*a*s*h on occasion makes me nauseous, i was very excited to get past my big fear. so, happy blood donation day for me.

here's me with my tough hot pink bandage:

(i had a different picture up, but i needed to look tougher and i'm afraid this is as good as it gets)

o youth

this picture is hatsune chan who has been on my mind recently. i miss this little lady. we used to sing and play together, and i was "Barker teacher" at English class. how can you not be charmed by that wink and smile?

today, i played soccer on the sunny, soggy grass with a handful of law students and a flock of fifth-graders. i was so happy after that little bit of exertion, my heart sang a hymn to youth. how subtle those experiences are when we get to interact with children and experience their innocence once again... and feel free of care... and to think - i was once a child too... so why do we see them as a whole different subset of the population now? what changes occur that make us cease to "make-believe" and instead begin to doubt? i think i've forgotten too much what it was like to be a kid. do they know they bring joy and vibrance with them?

petit allegro

two tall queens
one blazing, one ice

standing on my instincts
of bricks, black and white

rosy cheeks, coy smile
magenta drapes
white chords
warm gaze, cool response
wink in the blur
against the pulse

i'll borrow that genius
borrow the burden too
'cause it was just two days
fearing not seeing you

words part IV

i'm not really an artist.
you made me realize things about myself
as we talked across plastic glasses of life.

i'm not really a poet.
i come, directions not included,
stumbling across my words.

i don't know. maybe it's not what i'm not.
maybe it's what i am.
and our lines crossed

like the kites in those lyrics that i like.
and i'm not sure which is stronger for you,
the wind or the pull.

i'm hovering over right v. wrong and
someone ate tonight's directions and left
a styrofoam leftover in my lap.

words part III

Passing ideas around with words. Words are inadequate, teacher. Paint me a picture. You may use Language. My writing teacher uses certain buzz words over and over and over again, but they have no meaning for me. It's like she is telling me about the ocean, but just keeps saying "ocean, ocean, ocean" and doesn't include "blue, big, beautiful." Let me see, feel, smell what a brief is like, and then maybe I can write it for you. Your words are sailing in and sailing out and my screen is still blank.

I need a Helen Keller moment where I can feel the water on my face and feel someone's hand making the connection between a communicated word and the sensation in my mouth.

words part II

The president = "just a bunch of words."

"...But, I think that rhetoric can change the world," she said.

A girl in the hall, who I consider one of the most intelligent in my class, said this in defense of Obama to my friend, the skeptic. This friend, the man who equates his religion with his political values, replied that though this be true, he will always vote on principle and never because he just likes someone for what they say. Substantive, always substantive.

"I'm waiting to see when he actually does something before I can tell if he is good or not." Do something? True, speech-giving is a different action than jogging, cooking, and fighting wars. But it is an action nonetheless.

I feel that political promises versus words of direction are hard to distinguish for most Americans. This makes sense, since they are often intertwined. People have come to rely on the evidence of executive programs, military deployments, treaty signings and stamped bills to prove that a president is "doing something."

But, shall we not consider giving credit where credit is due? Granted, it is very difficult to track the impact that a rousing speech can have, or the results of new found confidence in self and country instilled by words, but I think the effects are real and profound.

Maybe people stood up and decided to build something instead of thinking about their problems because the nation's leader's rhetoric pushed them there. We can't determine the effect of a vision that legislators, law students, lifeguards, and librarians alike invested in because someone told them where to look.

"He's just words." Just words? What changes have you made when your church leader spoke to you with Godly persuasion? What do soothing words do to put together a broken day?

Considering the rules of rhetoric, perhaps no one can identify any ethos to give sway to our president's words. But, his experience aside, I feel that we can't underestimate a positive impact inaugural words can have. When is the last time you heard those ideas communicated in such a way? Do we really think, ethos aside, that those in earshot are not affected? This indirect way of making things happen seems almost too ideal to me. Contrast one man's grunt and labor on behalf of a nation to make something happen vs. one man's words moving a lot of people to do a lot of action. Seems more efficient to me. I can respect a leader who can do that.

Words represent ideas and ideas are what we build our lives, nations, and faith on. Now, President Obama did not speak from Sinai. But, I appreciate that "rhetoric can change the world." What we say and how we say it and the hope we can infuse in others' hearts - that can have the sort of impact that stats and news reports may never reveal. What really does a president do but execute with his words? Words are his tool and I pray, literally, that he will wield them wisely.

words part I

sifting through pages of prose and sighing at pleasing passages, she said "i wish that i read more." cath said this to linds and me while we were browsing internship options on our laptops. she then committed us to re-read The Great Gatsby, which we both promised to do.

i'm sitting at my carrel right now. and i look up and see i have an entire shelf of books. my books. law books. i smile. i own books about law. i own books, period. is that awesome?

yet, like cath, when i look at these books - though i feel an honest, true feeling of gratitude for such an opportunity to even know the things contained therein - i feel like i am in the shallow end of a pool the size of the planet. there's a quote on this blog somewhere...scroll up or down maybe a little... it's on the right. it's about learning. it explains the sentiment.

predictions for 2009

this is awfully embarrassing. i haven't been to 'the common' since november. i think i've been away because of fear. i was afraid of how long it had been - i had to re-enter and reclaim my blog land and i wasn't sure if i could do that. i think i was also afraid of letting all of my insecurities and uncertainties spill into the posts that i had been contemplating. but, i found a great way to have a neutral comeback, and that is to post things that were written by someone else.

linds johns (short for lindsay johnson) and i had a birthday party last night to celebrate three holidays: Christmas, New Years, and our birthdays, which happen to be on those two holidays. linds was born on Christmas day and i was born on New Years. so, we held a post-holiday party and suggested that our guests write up on a huge board the predictions they had for the year 2009. we told them it could be anything from international to personal predictions, and what we got were a few of each and then a lot about dating and stuff. we shouldn't have predicted that - a party where single college kids are asked to write stuff on a big, public board... it will inevitably turn into a conversation on dating.

i wrote each down verbatim, so if there are grammatical errors, it is due to two possibilities: the original author wrote it that way, or it was written in a foreign language and i couldn't quite decipher the handwriting. (another advantage of putting someone else's writing up on my first blog back - no accountability.) and, the parenthesis are comments that someone else wrote about that prediction.

okay, as i was reading through these, i decided to add a few comments. those you will find in brackets. i couldn't resist. i just couldn't. and i take full accountability for it.

Predictions 2009:

1. The dollar will become stronger than the British pound - which won't be very strong.
2. Love is friendship on Fire! [? - thank you alex.]
   
3. Lindsay will get an A in a class.
4. Trisha will turn into a zombie (and eat yo brains)
5. There will be NO snow in Utah in the winter of 2009
6. Dave Marriott will start a company
7. Miller is going to explode [that's where the party was]
   
8. Russia will become a new super-power
9. The Israeli-Hamas conflict will end in February
10. Alle Morwomen heirateu iue Jahr 2009, auch Trisha!
11. Jana will take up off-road unicycling
12. I will go to the big apple. [this was mine]
    
13. The 787 will fly.
14. Give me money. [this is a demand, not a prediction.]
    
15. Mina genki ni naru [japanese for - "everyone will be happy and healthy"]
    
16. Watashitachi wa chiizu ga tabemashou. Yum! [japanese for "let's all eat cheese."]
    
17. Mitt Romney will be president...Elder's quorum president.
18. Laura will have her 1st slurpee and love it
19. Glen Andersen will get married 2009
20. Obesa cantawit!
21. Chris Newton will finally kiss a girl.
22. Re vera, potas bene.
23. Goff will date a Korean.
24. Jana will give people the best kind of hugs.
25. Julie will meet Bob Ross and convert him (isn't he dead? P.S. this bodes poorly for Julie)
26. Trisha will drink orange juice with pulp and LIKE it!!!
27. Jana will find her zen.
28. I will become rich and then you will all say you're my friends!
29. "I will consume 40 bags of cereal!"
30. Crazy dance moves will be popular - rock on tiny dancer! [this writer may or may not have been witnessing ian shepley's dance moves at the moment s/he wrote this]
    
31. (chart of Ramen Inc. stock going up with an arrow at the bottom of a large increase saying "buy now" and the 'x' axis labeled: The Great Recession)
32. Jana, Thanks for the setup! Jana you stud from your "sister song" we love you! J+C [i set these two cute kids up - James and Christy. yep, i'm a stud.]
    
33. Peter will try (again) and fail (again) to blog more than Jana. :) [okay, but really, i don't blog that much, so i'm pretty sure that you will beat me. i mean, really.]
34. I will own all Apple's stock and die rich. [die? this year? you know that?]
    
35. Ev will come to life. [this may have been intended to say "Eve" but i'm not sure]
    
36. Karahashi shimai wa Jana shimai ga mou sugu kekkon suru to yogen shita deshou? [Japanese for "Sister Karahashi prophesied/predicted that Sister Jana would soon marry, didn't she?]
    
37. I will be awesome! [first prediction on the board that night by my incredibly awesome brother, Dallin. this is an accurate prediction.]
    
38. They will get married [who?]
    
39. I will use a lama's spit to style my hair!! [um...]
    
40. Love is coming for your through the floorboards. [probably alex again]
    
41. Jana will win the state of Delaware in a lawsuit.
42. Jana will fall in love with the hot young law student('s younger brother) three carrels over [written by austin's little brother who said that his grandma talked about me for 4 days.]
    
43. People will make predictions. -[this may have said Aaron, or Anon. I couldn't read it. very insightful]
    
44. Jana and Linds will make someone's day fantastic! [aw...]
    
45. Jana will go on a "hot date" (with Scott Walsh) and never be the same again! [chris newton offered the parenthetical here. he called it "writing on the wall."]
    
46. Derk will get married. Jana too. (Not me) [Derk mentioned how uncanny it was that both of our names were in such a prediction. hmm.....]
    
47. Random dance parties will occur! Bkuz of Anna. [i sure hope so]
    
48. Tah we, fiernno lo?
49. I will stop doing drugs (then Jana will be out of clients) [skinny, i know you wrote this. 1) because it was the closest to the ceiling and you were the tallest there and 2) because i just know.)
50. Someone will invent an autonomous barnacle-crushing robot. - Aaron
51. The wall between you and I... Delenda est!
52. Don't tell my mom! [sorry, this may be out of context, but it's what was on the board...]
    
53. Everything will be fine in 2009!
54. I will leave my job
55. Nerd5 w1ll B3 popul4r! [YEAH!]
    
56. I will get asked out and can't go. :(
57. Blue (Green) will be the new Black (Brown) (someone crossed out blue and black) [we all know that green is the new pink]
    
58. Let's raise to another level! - Niedersmanzer
59. -Vogt- ya glar naia shishka. Shmmoltri muy smeli pup. [there is supposed to be an umlat over the u in pup. i don't think i want to know what this says.]
    
60. Bently Snow will date half the women in this room.
61. Make It Happen - Paul+Lindsay (in a heart shape) = soft hands Marry Me? (absolutely & Linds will start accepting Amy's dares for $1.00) [great story. ask lindsay.]
    
62. Baruka wa kotoshi ni wa to totemo suteki na otoko no ko to kekkon suru shi, kazoerarenai hito zu no kodomo wo umu to yogen shimasu! Ai shiteru yo! [heart] baruka ga daisuki da yo! [Japanese for "i predict that Barker will marry a stylish/good-looking young man this year, and have numberless children! i love ya! ....um, a heart.... i love barker! (or barker is my favorite...)]
    
63. Lindsay will ADMINISTRATE the public MASTERFULLY [i believe it]
    
64. Dave will compete in clogging
65. Linds will be President of the United States of America!
66. Lindsay will get MARRIED!
67. Tyrel Handby will buy a tank off eBay for cheap! - Aaron
68. Jana will get the 4.0 in torts, property, civ pro, con law, contracts, crim law etc. She will be on Law Review and be offered the world's best job. She will fall in love and get married. - Em [okay, em, i said predictions, not fantasies.]
    
69. Choi [some kind of symbol] will marry an American.
70. Snoop Dog will really be a member.
71. Jana will marry Abe N.
72. Orangutano will conquer Burger King. - Aaron
73. "Eetodawkimas" every day, every hr! Happy Birthday Ladies!
74. Someone will graduate - Aaron [what a risk-taker on those predictions, aaron. you sure about this one?]
75. Linds, Jana, and Cath, and Eve will have a joing quadruple wedding Sept. 2009! (Sonner if Bentley has anything to do about it.... (And I will...)) [oh, cam.]
    
76. Chris Brown Rocks!
    
77. Love, baby, love. - Bethany
    
78. The spelling bee wil become and olympic sport. -Aaron.
79. [Something in Arabic.]